adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
