I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
