I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
