with your own penis?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
