Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
