it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
