I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
