Sponge bath it is.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
