at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
