You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
