if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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