Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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