My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
