can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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