well you can't waste a boner
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
