now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
