I just threw up on my dentist
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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