Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
