Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
