are you still at the devil's house?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
