Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
