Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
