You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
