I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
