Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
