Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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