My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
