Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
