Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
