and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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