Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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