everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
