Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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