i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
