I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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