All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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