You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have post one night stand depression
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
