Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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