im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
