i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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