i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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