can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
