NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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