How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As shirtless as possible
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
