he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
