im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
