hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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