I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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