Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
