Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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