a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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