I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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