Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have tasted many bathrooms
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
