I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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