she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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