nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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