He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
