Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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