I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
