I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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