I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
