i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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