if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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