just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
