guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
