drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We need to get me chipped asap
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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