fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
