Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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