I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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